Love MORE

I recently lost someone who played a significant role in my adolescent life. A pastor who literally lived the idea of love in action. Someone who had the ability to create true, lasting, human connection with every person he met. As I stood in the line waiting to pay my respects, I looked around at the massive number of people who were all there because he had touched their lives in such significant ways. I heard snippets of conversations about how they knew him and how he had impacted their lives. Everyone had a story, a personal moment to share. None of it was superficial. It was deeply personal. At that moment, it hit me: we all have the ability to truly connect, everyday, with those who enter our lives. It’s a choice. Rather than keeping our interactions superficial and being half present to the moment, we can see each encounter as a true opportunity to connect, heart to heart.

This seems even more pressing now, in our current reality: Rife with division, judgement, conflict, and upheaval. It’s easy to focus on the negative; we’re all tired. It’s been two long years of slugging it out, trying to keep our heads above water. Most of us want to put it all behind us and move on. But here’s the thing, we have to decide what we are moving on to. Fear has literally changed people. People we thought we knew and understood have surprised us. Isolation has made it easy for us to distance ourselves from those who maybe trigger something in us we don’t yet understand. Media has amplified and distorted different viewpoints. Many are confused, mired in it all and can’t see clearly.

So what do we do with all of this? With our current reality? What’s the answer? It’s quite simple, really. It’s to love MORE. If we want to heal division and judgement, we have to stop contributing to it. If we want to stop the conflict and upheaval, then we have to recognize the humanity in the other person and accept that having a difference of opinion is everyone’s right. Not everyone sees what we see. Not everyone experiences what we experience. This doesn’t make them wrong, it makes them humans on their own life journey. Part of the human experience is recognizing that those we encounter, those we have relationships with are ultimately all meant to teach us something about ourselves; they are, in essence, contributing to our growth. It’s this realization that helps us live our life from a place of gratitude and love.

To love MORE means to give understanding where we have been judging. To love MORE means to consciously decide that you will no longer engage in divisiveness within your own family, your own friend group, your workplace. You are essentially pulling yourself out of the game. You are deciding that the actions you take will be actions in the name of love. Does it mean you will always get this right? Of course not. Perfection is not the goal; growth is. The next time you find yourself going down the road of judgement, say this prayer from A Course in Miracles : “I choose to see this differently.” Pay attention to the shift in perspective that will reveal itself.

Father Vito Marziliano was a man whose mission in this world was to be of service to those whom he encountered on his path; sometimes it was his quiet presence. Other times, it was his ability to fully participate with joy in marriages, baptisms, family events. Other times still, it was his willingness to hold space for the difficult moments of fear, sickness, death and grief. Serving others was his goal; doing it from the heart without expecting anything in return was his gift. He was willing to see people’s humanity. To him, they were all important. Being in his presence allowed you to witness the power of love in action.

We all have the ability to love MORE. Love is the answer. It’s how we will move forward. It isn’t an ideal to which we should aspire, but a very real action that can transform our current reality. It’s time to stop participating in divisive agendas and to start reclaiming who we are as people. It’s time to start seeing people not as members of one side or other, but as people, as human beings, as individuals. We all want to be loved, accepted, understood. We all want the ability to choose for ourselves and not be judged for it.

Some food for thought: What does love in action look like for you? How can you be of service today? Who can you hold space for? Who can you love MORE